Saturday, November 18
Friday, November 17
This is from an ancient blog I wrote in 2001-2002 titled, "i am bored. oh well. thus is life":
god i am so undomesticated. so there i was making pancakes for breakfast. and them im like doing the dishes and filling up the dish pan with water and i reach for the bottle of dishsoap - without looking - and squeeze some in the water - i, of course am staring into space unawares. so i looked down and mutter what the fuck. no suds. i glance right and then scream. loud. [i wonder if the neighbors heard me] i do believe i am the only person who tried to wash her dishes in pancake syrup.
Monday, March 18, 2002 05:57 a.m.
Evidently I have come so very far where the Domestic Goddness department is concerned--not only do I know the difference between pancake syrup and dish soap, but I've also learned how to use capital letters. It's nice to see my love for four-letter expletives hasn't changed a bit.
Thursday, November 16
Yesterday was insanely unproductive on the NaNo front, but today I've promised myself to do better.** I posted a SOS to my fellow Flinttown (Flintown?) NaNo'ers and they had a bundle of advice* for me:
- Remove all novel files from flash drive and put onto computer. Leave work on flash drive and remove all work from computer and put the work from the computer on flash drive. Put flash drive and all other work crap and distracting crap (like bills!) into my "Box of Crap." Place box in closet. Slam shut door. Walk away. Try not to look back, and forget about it.
- It's okay to rant and rave and smash things across my desk or throw sock balls at husband, when needed.
- Music to fit the mood of what I'm trying to write is good. Tastes range from Madonna, to Cannibal Corpse, to Natalie Merchant, to Bach.
- It's okay to cry and scream when needed.
- When children are noisy and driving me insane and their howls rise up from the hellish bowels of the living room/romper room, and I cannot think, ear plugs are a great thing to have on hand--or in my ear, whichever seems most appropriate at the time.
- Typoos aRe okay--tip fist and fixx lter (completely opposite of my nature).
- And lastly, surround myself with things that make me smile and/or are inspiring, such as photos...
...like these ones, that remind me it's okay to get down and get dirty and play messy. And when all else ceases to work, point the finger at someone else because it's always their fault anyways.
*This advice has been adapted, slightly, for humor's sake.
** I did do better; I wrote 1969 words during the write-in on Day 16.
Molly went to sleep without a Pull-Up on and did not pee the bed. And Logan went to bed at 4:30 pm, woke up at 11:30, went straight back to bed and woke up at 6:45 am. What the f*ck is going on? Did I wake up in some kind of Bizarro world?
Wednesday, November 15
Send in the envelope with the bill, but forget the check, wait for the company to call to say there was no check and then say, "Whoops! I'll get it in the mail today!" just to stall a few days while waiting for the paycheck in the mail.
Knowing that payday is still three days away, write a "bad" check for $30 over, deposit $20 dollars to cover the "bad" check written two days ago that is clearing today so that it doesn't end up "bad," and still have $10 in hand and when the paycheck is deposited on Friday, the second check won't be "bad" either.
Take out a payday loan to pay off another payday loan, and then two weeks later take out another payday loan to cover the second payday loan that covered the first payday loan while waiting for a student refund check to come in the mail. When refund check finally arrives, sigh with relief.
Tuesday, November 14
Sigh. I just don't have the mental power to stay in this race to hit 50,000 words. When I went into this, I only wanted 30,000 words knowing full well that I'm over-extended with responsibilities, but I'm having a hard time just reaching the 15,000 mark. I want to finish what I started, but my brain is so muddled that I feel like I JUST CAN'T DO THIS!
I hate making excuses--I really, really, really do--but today I advised five papers for the EWC, which took me EIGHT HOURS, and after eight hours of sitting and typing and thinking of how someone else can improve their writing just simply DRAINS me of all self-motivation to WRITE for ME.
I only want to slam my laptop closed, unplug my zip drive (where my so-called-novel is stored along with all my EWC documents) and toss it out the window--or, or--better yet, shove it down the garbage disposal with tonight's twice-heated chicken.
But as I write this, I realize that I really, really, really DON'T want to do that--I DO want to finish what I started, I just can't seem to get my Little Engine going in the direction that I want to go, instead of the many directions everyone else wants me to go.
Chris and I were talking about how incredibly boring Thanksgiving happens to be--no Santa popping down our non-existent chimney, no Easter Bunny leaving eggs around the apartment that we have a hard time finding and usually there is at least one found 3 months later when it's stinking to high heaven (or low hell, whichever you prefer) behind the sofa. And there are no Ghosts or Goblins taking treats from strangers you tell your kids not to talk to, and so we decided to make Thanksgiving more in stride with all the other holiday by introducing the Turkey Fairy. What we do is have our daughter color a picture of a BIG FAT turkey, carefully sign her name, and drop it in an envelope addressed to ourselves (for safe keeping) with a little note dictated that says something like:
To the Turkey Fairy: Mom wants a big turkey to cook so we can eat it with muffins.
Then when it gets close to "T-Day" we leave our frozen turkey on our patio with a little spattering of turkey feathers just for full effect--VIOLA'! Instant Turkey Fairy! If you want to join in with this 'new tradition,' do let me know by sending off a quick e-mail to me at sarahmreed[at]yahoo[dot]com--send a scan of your kid's letters or photos, and I'll post them here, and I'm sure it'll be a HOOT!--or just post letting me know you plan on partaking of this Reed holiday tradition! Who knows, maybe the idea will catch on making Thanksgiving more like all the other holidays.
*Note: The scan above is Molly's turkey she colored last year at two-years-old.
Monday, November 13
You know you've moved up in the world when you stop writing in 10-cent spiral notebooks while swigging on a 2-for-$5 bottles of Boone's Farm listening to bootlegged cassette tapes and start typing on a $550 notebook computer while sipping on a glass of $7.99 [yellow tail] wine listening to your CD collection.
fall is like having a thousand thoughts
blowing through my head like
brightly colored leaves
...through a clear periwinkle sky --
but on other days, it seems,
like my thoughts
just sit in
brown piles growing damp and musty waiting to be bagged up and tossed out.
-Sarah Szumanski */ October 16, 2002
* I wrote this before I was Mrs. Reed
Sunday, November 12
Okay, so I bought this gum, JOLT! Caffeine Energy Gum, thinking, yeah, right, this sh*t is gunna wake my poor a*s up.
I threw it at the bottom of my purse, got home, it's 9 o'clock, and I'm D.R.A.G.G.I.N.G. I remember I have this stuff. Popped in a piece, and HOLLY SH*TF*CK BATMAN! It's kicked in and I am, like, typing nearly 65 wpm. Weird. Go get some, totally.
Well, day 11 wasn't all that productive, but two Prozacs later, I feel more ready to delve into my writing today on day 12. To be perfectly honest (hell, why not be honest, I don't think too many people are reading this), but I hit a rough spot yesterday when a dam broke open and my mind got flooded with hellish memories. When writing a memoir and when my mind is so fragile, that's the chance I take--that by writing 'something' will be remembered rending me useless. But--this may be cheating--I am going to 'fast forward' a few years to happier times until the Prozac kicks in all the way, and then I'll back track and pick up in the past where I left off.
Not only is my depression standing in my way, but factor in a full-time work-at-home job, my kids, the sometimes very needy hubby (he is working on a line of comic books, and me, being the only computer savy nerd in the house, I'm left to scan, tweak, and format his images into a printable format), and the cooking, and the cleaning (well, the hubby does the bulk of that, but I am the only one who ever cleans the sh*t stains from the toliet and the toothpaste off the bathroom mirror)--so in other words, I AM OVERWHELMED!